You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
