I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
