I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I forget how to act sober
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
