nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
