Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
