could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
