break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
