Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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