His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
