i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
