Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
