Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
