do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
