John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
