cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
