I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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