Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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