You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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