Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
