Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
