I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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