omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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