Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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