sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
