Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
