I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
