dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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