My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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