I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
found the other keg... it's in the tree
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
