i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
