the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
