i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am one with the molecules
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
