Got a toothbrush?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
