chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
