I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
