i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
