I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
