Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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