so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
