I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
