Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
