the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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