at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
