my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
