my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
