just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
