I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
