If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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