In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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