He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I understand Curling. That high.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
there is puke in my bra ... again
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